She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize