Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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