Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize