I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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