I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Randomize
