you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
