Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Randomize
