i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
