I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
