I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
