That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
