i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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