Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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