Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
