All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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