Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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