We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Sober January is a disaster.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
