Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
