K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
