I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
