He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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