so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Randomize
