my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
