Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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