OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
