my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
