non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm way too hungover for life right now
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
