hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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