He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize