did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
