Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
