Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
