i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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