I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
