don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She even gives head with a lisp.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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