we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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