Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
