After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
