Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
So much Jack, so little girl.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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