anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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