Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
