Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
