What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
