The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize