apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
