yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
