i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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