I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
