im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
