sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize