is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
