I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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