Umm I'm too high to move.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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