No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
