just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
organizing the empties. That sober.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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