I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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