In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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