You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
