You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
