Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
