Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
