I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
