So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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