I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
