I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
The best revenge is premature balding
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
