dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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