i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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