I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
