we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
