Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
