Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
