i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
When are your genitals available?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
