the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
