this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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